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Will Sellari

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Review of NEW Kroger on Brambleton [07 May 2015|03:11pm]
NEW Kroger / Old Harris Teeter / Old Old Mick-Or-Mack
4404 Brambleton Ave
Roanoke, VA
(540) 776-0050
4/5 Stars

What I like most about this Kroger is that it's all the grandeur of an Amazing Stories episode AND the Twilight Zone. Which, admittedly, seem pretty similar on the surface but bear with me. NEW Kroger, aka Old Harris Teeter, aka Old Old Mick-or-Mack, was the first grocery store that was one part The Land pavilion in Epcot and one part grocery store. Many people wondered why they should even build
it there since you can basically see the other Kroger from NEW Kroger but at the time they weren't allowed to tell you about monopolies and that other Cave Spring Kroger only existed at the time for teenagers to shoplift condoms and 40 ounces. This monopoly model isn't too different from their Kroger Gas model either which is just Old Sam's Club destroy the American Dream / Manifest Destiny model either. But I digress... So, yeah it's one part food world theme park in there; there's penguins and some north pole stuff in the freezer section, some mooing noises when you get milk out of another freezer (which is both cool and upsetting and maybe why I only drink almond milk now because subconsciously I know they can't scream when you milk them like the automated cow cries that happen when you get whole milk from Kroger), and most importantly, you the lights flicker and you get thunderstorm noises when the automated man behind the curtain goes to water all the produce! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING I JUST NOTED, NOW AND THEN! So, that's one way it's kind of fantastic and more like Amazing Stories.

But here's how it's like the Twilight Zone. So, when I graduated from high school I used to stay out all night. I was never doing anything really important, my friends just like to do nonsense all night. Some of those said friends took computer networking classes in high school so we were living out the dream of true multiplayer madness. Remember this was 1999, there was no Xbox Lives and Playstation Networks. So, yeah, we basically just played Diablo and Grand Theft Auto all night. I'd stumble in about the same time my Dad would be leaving for work and at first he was real cool about it because he's my Dad and he never thought I would graduate high school, but I did, so he's giving me some slack before I start community college in the fall because I was an underachiever. But after a while, he basically said "LOOK, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF YOU HAVE A CURFEW!" so I moved out.

The same friends from before then all moved into my childhood home on Sunny Side Drive just down the street from NEW Kroger. This was weird because it would have been like walking into NEW Kroger but it was Old Old Mick-or-Mack. But since it was NEW Kroger we spent a lot of time there waiting for 6AM so we could buy beer or buying .49 cent microwavable pizzas because we were poor. Long story short, my good friend Robbie and me are in there one night, probably buying those pizza roll things they make, not like the brand but these things you can get in their bakery which are like the unholy love child of a baker and a cafeteria lady's saturated fat wet dream. They'll like really unhealthy buttery dinner roles stuffed with some kind of dehydrated cheese that is never wet (if that makes sense) and pepperonis. If my kids ever wonder why I died of heart disease in my 50s, there's a smoking gun in the Kroger bakery. Anyhow, let's just say were we buying pizza rolls and not using a fake ID to get beer, when Robbie has to bite his lip till it bleeds to keep himself laughing and screaming out loud at the sheer hairy terror that is this dude who's leaving in a tank top. The man, who I now know to be a fine and beautiful human, was totally hairless from the tip of his head to his neck, no beard, just eyebrows. However, the rest of his werewolf like form was COVERED in thick amazing almost curly hair. Plus, as I said, dude was wearing some pastel colored tank top, God bless him. So, Robbie freak out laughs at this guy, and at the time I had a really bad diagnosed anxiety problem that didn't allow me to do things like laugh in public because my anxiety played heavy on all these imagined rules about society and etiquette and the ways people perceive you. Yeah, so Robbie laughs at this guy and not even a week later, guess who's baby bare shoulders start sprouting thick old hairs. My dude, Robbie Nettles.

Here's where the story dives deeper into the Sterling-esk ironic twist. Since Robbie got wolfman from tank-top from laughing at him, I TOO GOT WOLFMAN FROM LAUGHING AT ROBBIE!

In the end it was cool though because I love being hairy so maybe the Kroger Gods were trying to teach us a valuable lesson or not to buy beer underage or who knows. I'm just cool with being hairy now, that's all I'm saying.

Finally, Kroger used to carry these things called Breakfast Bars. They were Kroger brand, covered in chocolate and tasted just bad enough for you that you felt okay eating the whole box. I haven't had these since the mid-90s but if you guys could bring those and Monster Pops (just your basic fruit flavored popcicles but shaped like monsters) back that would be great.
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safe & sound [28 Apr 2015|03:51pm]
It has been my experience that no matter where I travel there are only a handful of places that allow me to feel safe and happy. A day is approaching soon that perhaps the last one is going to be sold to strangers and I will never see it again except from afar.

I will miss not being able to share it with my childern or of those closest to me, I miss the person I used to be there, and most of all I miss the a man who once lived there.
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An open letter to my preteen erection [16 Apr 2015|12:33pm]
Dear Madonna,
Let's talk. I just watched the video for Ghosttown and I had some questions. What's the theme? Fake post apocalyptic? Is it post apocalyptic because it sounds like it's from six years ago? Vocoded like you were Britney Spears or whoever else might have sang this lackluster ballad in years gone by? Look, I'm not trying to be a dick, but I am to make a point...

Remember when you were aging gracefully? That simple beautiful moment in the mid-90s? You seemed to drip with elegance. And here's the thing, I'm not saying you have to be all old and sing the Sound of Music like that contemporary hack of yours. And I'm not saying you have to be too young and edgy either, remember you once made some hatian wax jesus your boyfriend in a music video, you've already made it to the top.

Here's some suggestions before you make the same mistakes again, and again, and again.

1. That vaugely famous dude who's in Empire but is also in your music video, actually have him shoot however is doing your art directing and feeding you creative advice. This Jack the Ripper Burning Man boarderlinging on Steampunk bullshit has got to go girl.

2. Next take a real musician and go into a cave, get someone who loves you for who you are and who doesn't give a shit about your label or record sales. I promise whe you emerge from that cave with a new sound that's the head of a gorgon, you'll have changed and you'll change the world around you. That new sound isn't going to be some dated Katy Perry nonsense, it's going to be some new shit that grew out of your good shit. Because if we can kill off all the weeds and nonsense that's been growing out of Madonna, we can get to some really good soil.

3. Be the queen of the 80s / early 90s again. I shouldn't even have to explain this part.

4. Get someone to put some real synth bass back into your shit. Holiday style. Pull some digital strings and some distorted snares and you're there. See how people like Washed Out (etc.) got rich off that sound.
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Proclamation [13 Apr 2015|03:04pm]
Anything important I have to say from this point forward will live and die on LiveJournal.com
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The Edge of the World [27 Mar 2015|03:39pm]
Every now and then, I used to dream about a place that was the edge of the world. It was always some little village, some little town, where there was nothing beyond. The tipping point that led to the ocean or simply into nothing.

A handful of years ago I was on an island in North Carolina. After dinner I walked down a large dock surrounded by sea oats that led to the ocean. The dock was sparcly lit and the night was such that all you could see were the tiny lamps along it's edge. I walked to the edge with a strange feeling of dejavu and welcome.

Recently, at my Grandfather's funeral, I began a speech I had preparded by stating that it's impossible to know where things begin and where they end. Our lives are such that at some point nature and nurture, experience and memory, scars and badges all become the same thing. The beauty of nothingness, the single point that is the edge and then end, is an impossible dream.

I used to film myself so I could see myself, so I could get an idea of the things that were me. I did this for so long I don't know who that person is anymore because I don't know who I am. Where I start and stop is lost in the now, a formless floating existance with this idea of manifest destiny like a carrot at the end of a string which will always be just out of reach. When I see myself on TV it's just a TV. When I've lost control, I'm looking at a TV. There's an image of a person who I know is me but I don't understand, beacuse I don't know where things begin and where they end.

I'm a pile of secrets and a face on a screen.
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"You're my lady Meat Loaf" [10 Sep 2014|11:28am]
[ mood | sad ]


It starts here:

Seems sort of legit, plus that's a fine price....



And this is followed by a fairly prompt response from Bonnie A. Jones!


The camera  is Brand New in Box, have all the accessories and comes with 1 year US Warranty . I have 3 cameras available.
The price for one  is $1,100.00 US included shipping taxes and all charges . I will take 3000$ for all 3.
I am from New York,since i am not from your area i propose you a safe transaction.
If you are interested, look how we do business, as both to be protected :

 1. I will forward the details of our transaction at eBay.
 2. They will process the transaction and  send you the Payment Invoice and the transaction details.
 3. You must make payment at eBay, so i can be sure that you are serious and Have the money. I won't be able to access the money.
 4. eBay  confirm me that payment has been received.
 5. Once i have the confirmation from eBay, I will  send you the package. Delivery time: 2 working days.
 6. After you receive the package you will have 5 days to inspect and test the item.
 7. If you accept the item, eBay will release me the money.
 8. If you decide to NOT to keep the item for any reason, eBay refund your full payment within 24 hours.

* So, You send  the money at eBay; gets it and saves it for 10 days; eBay confirm me that you have paid, I send you the product in a couple of days; You receive it, look at it and see that everything is perfect and as you expect, and you can see that  is not a scam; If everything is correct, you let them know to release the funds to me ; If something does not convince you (it is not what you expect, damaged, etc), you can return the product purchased from me and eBay will refund you in 24 hours.

 - This deal is 100% safe for both parts. eBay is an independent third party; they hold the money (ensure your money until receive the package).
 - I used this method one week ago and everything was great, I was very pleased; because is very safe.
 - If you want more information, i need your personal details (name, address, city, zip code, country, phone number). As soon i have your details, i will inform eBay about our transaction; and they will contact you directly with Payment Invoice and the transaction details.
Please reply if you have more questions.

So, let's do the math, craigslist post in Winston Salem, from a North Dakota phone number for a girlfriend who's apparently in New York who wants to do a shady transaction through eBay somehow? But there was also this...


...to this...


...so familiar, like it was like when I looked at her face there was this drunk memory of her materializing in front of me everytime I was at Karaoke whether I summoned her or not, Bonnie A. Jones... Bonnie Jones... Bonnie...


from: William Sellari williamsellari@gmail.com
to: "Bonnie A. Jones" <brekiisx@gmail.com>
date: Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 10:51 AM

Re: Canon 5D

Bonnie, I heard this saying once that if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true. Right now I need you more than ever.

I'm scared Bonnie. I want to be holding on forever. I understand the need for the alias, a woman as beautiful and talented as you.

It was really rather brillant to have your "boyfriend" post that in North Carolina from your vacation phone in North Dakota. What are

you doing in New York? Are you planning a show? I feel like I'm always in the dark about these things. You and Kate both. Do you

know her? I bet you do! You're famous, you probably took 1-3 photos of her on the multiple Canons you have....

But a tour? Wow! Can I help?!! I can do video and play bass! Together we can take your upcoming tour to the end of the line!

Oh, Bonnie. I don't know what to do, I feel like after that email about camera I'm always in the dark.

Scared and sad not that you don't really have those cameras but even more scared that you're not really Bonnie Tyler. The same

songstress who's songs have touched my heart on so many occasions. You're my lady Meat Loaf. I used to imagine us running

through the fields in the UK together, hand in hand, each with 2-3 Canon 5D Mark IIIs around our necks. I'm fragile Bonnie and I'm

lying like a child in your arms. Our bodies covered in Rocks and Honey. Your love is like a shadow of a Canon cinema lens falling

over me all the time.

What is this nightmare world I've awoken into? There's nothing I can say...

Why can't we see each other like we were meant to, in Special optical technologies like 61-Point High Density Reticular.

Bonnie, can you hear me? Bonnie, I need you more than ever. I need to know we're more than just our megapixels. Please call me,

I'll be holding on...forever....



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Cox [17 Mar 2014|10:13pm]

Thank you for choosing Cox Communications. A representative will be with you shortly.

All agents are currently assisting others. Your estimated wait time is 0 minutes and 16 seconds. Thanks for your patience.

You are now chatting with 'Aaron L.'.

Aaron L.: Welcome to Cox Online Technical Support. I will be assisting you throughout this chat session.

Aaron L.: I understand you are having difficulties with your online account. Is that correct?

William: Hello Aaron

Aaron L.: Hello William.

William: yeah, it won't let me sign in, says my email isn't right

William: won't let me reset anything either

Aaron L.: I am glad to assist you today.

Aaron L.: I have verified and there is no User ID under your account.

William: So when I try to create a new account, it tells me there is already one?

Aaron L.: No. There is no User ID under your account.

William: So, I have an online account but I don't have a user ID so I can't sign into the online account?

Aaron L.: What username are you using to login?

William: I haven't been using one, I've just been trying to get it to email me my user ID but it tells me that's the wrong email address?

William: This is what it tells me when I try to sign up for a user ID

William: "A User ID already exists for this account number. Please sign in with your User ID and password to update your profile and account settings."

Aaron L.: In this case, if you want, I would like to help you creating your cox online account as you wish?

William: that would be fantastic

Aaron L.: May I have the User ID of your preference?

William: williamsellari

Aaron L.: Preferred contact email? Is XXX@enginesroar.com fine for you?

William: that's perfect

Aaron L.: Account Holder XXX was successfully created.
The new password for williamsellari is XXX.

Aaron L.: Let me know if you are able to access, please.

William: seems to think my my name is Anne Bender when I log in?

William: Anne Bender Account #: 5414067649602

Aaron L.: No. It is under William Sellari. 001-5310067649602

William: I understand

William: but when I log in as williamsellari it takes me to Anne Bender's account

Aaron L.: Allow me a moment, please.

William: If you'd like Aaron I can send you a screen shot

Screen shot 2014-03-17 at 10.11.35 PM

Aaron L.: Um...


Aaron L.: Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?

William: Can you make my service free for the next, let's say, ten years?

Aaron L.: Well.. In this case... What about if I add HBO for $5 per month?

William: I don't have cable, but would that be for a HBO-GO account?

Aaron L.: Yes, but you'll need Cable service.

William: All I have is internet :(

William: we stream all our television

Aaron L.: That's fine then.

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Diamonds [09 Dec 2013|01:57pm]


Synth and piano build, the sound of cheering and screaming crowds blur in and out. We hear a woman whisper and then all is still.


A beautiful slender werewolf stands on a stage singing her heart out. The song builds and repeats, the voices of backup singers sound as their silhouettes become visible behind the spotlighted werewolf. Text of the lyrics display over top the scene until...

Text unfolds on the screen.


A young girl raises an imaginary diamond joint to her mouth and in doing so causes it manifest. As she inhales the camera pans 180 behind the head of the girl. On the horizon of the ocean is a rising full moon, as the smoke begins to obscure the moon it turns into a green light.


Music continues break back down into synth and piano. The camera pushes into the green circle letting the screen frame it like an eye in the night sky. As the camera pushes in stars appear which may or may not be diamonds. They are a mixed constellations which form the white of the eye. In the green pupil we see the face of the girl emerge from the murky green ocean water. He face in the light of the moon begins to age beautifully till at age 27 she begins to transform into a werewolf.

Text unfolds on the screen.

The entire time this transformation takes place the camera continues to push in onto the pupil till it is eye to eye with the werewolf that then screams the first lines of the chorus in conjunction with continually building song.



Back on the stage the werewolf continues to ungulate on stage repeating the chorus over and over. The silhouettes of the backup singers contort and wave as if they were on fire. The werewolf is singing harder than ever, the siren quality of her voice beings to oscillate going from organic to digital to sharp and icy. Her song then becomes a screams and the sound of millions of marching spiders gliding sharp legs over dead fields of nuclear glass.


With a final scream the werewolf begins to vomit a river of diamonds, a seemingly endless torrent of priceless emesis. The backup vocalists scream and sing in unison, adding to the hysteria of the scene. Finally the song ends and she has finished her task.


The background silhouettes are now missing and all we see is a darkened stage with a singular spotlight on the beautiful woman in an equally stunning black sequin dress, panting on all fours, alone on the floor.

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[28 May 2013|09:56pm]
Can we all make a pact to never use pointless spoken abbreviations as if they were words ever again? No more BOGO or YOLO or especially EVOO. It took us over 2.5 million years to evolve this beautifully precise ability, let's not digress. Furthermore, if you think this make me old, just remember, if you say LMFAO out loud in a non-ironic context, that makes you a boner.
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And we're back [09 May 2013|04:48pm]
Life begins again with a momentum I'm unfamiliar with. I hazard to say, but even in what I would consider to be my inspired years I rarely worked as hard or as often as I do now. At this moment I feel slightly ahead of the curve... which of course means I'll probably be dead in a week.
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Dream from Monday morning [15 Jan 2013|01:43pm]
The dream started with me in high school. I was somewhere around 17, the year however was in the early 80s. We were in homeroom I believe, and Solange and I were in the same class. In the dream since we were young she was just my girlfriend. The room and school reminded me of my elementary school, lots of painted cinder blocks and ceramic bricks; there were even the same white porcelain water fountains in the hallway. The high school was in either New York or Philadelphia, looking back on the scenery around the school it could have been any big city along the east coast, but the place we were at was a tall building surrounded by other talk buildings.  As the morning light crept in through the windows of our classroom and I remember hearing a siren go off.

Everyone in the classroom was relatively sure it was a drill, although we were at war with the USSR. Our teacher who happened to be Sam McMurray, told us to start the drill and get out into the hall. The school was surprisingly empty, unsure where to go we paced around a second or two. Solange went to check one way down the hall and I went to check the other. I made my way into the office that was empty also, save one or two other students walking around confused as well. Sam McMurray came out and seeing Solange towards one end of the hall began to scream at her...

"What are you some kind of FUCKING idiot?!?"

Solange looking very upset joined the rest of the class who was spilling out into the hall now after hearing Mr. McMurray screaming. The violent teenager I was stormed over to Sam and spun him around, Solange standing behind me.

"If you ever talk to her that way again, I'm going to fuck you up."

Sam just stared at me blankly and a bit frightened.

"Do you understand me? I will fuck you up."

It seems odd to me now that those were my choice of words but I think in the moment since he said fuck I just went with it.

"You can't say shit can you? Because you fucked up. You can't say shit to me because you're fucked if I say anything."

At this point the sirens had stopped. I was really upset and a little embarrassed I acted that way in front of Solange so I walked off. I headed down the stairs to the entrance of the school; there was a little security station there, a check in point with a bunch of monitors. The security guard was Michael Jackson, a young Jackson though, one who never had anything to do with music. Just a 20 something year old black kid in a green sweater, sadly watching monitors. I remember talking to him for a minute and in that weird dream knowledge I knew in this world he wasn't famous, nor did he ever sing in public, and that made him feel that there was something missing from his life.There as also a area on his station where he would play records over the intercom sometimes.

I talked to him briefly, although, I can't remember what it was about. During our conversation the sirens began to go off again. I had had enough of school that day so began to leave.

As I exited the building I remember looking overhead at the morning sky between the narrow streets. I saw missile trails through air and the sound of approaching jets.

Then I woke up.
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Götterdämmerung [09 Nov 2012|10:45pm]
So, here's the sad thing about Victoria Jackson. The only thing that makes you crazier than being famous is almost being famous. It's a series of desperate attempts to cling to the fame you once almost had because you spend the rest of your life thinking that any amount of notoriety is what will get you called up from off the bench. I really miss the kind hearted little lady in UHF. But this limelight she's gotten for being all tea party and nuts is both destroying her and fueling her. In a perfect world this would be some sort of Andy Kaufman type piece, designed to show people how backwards thinking a lot of our country is. Sadly, I doubt that's the case. Instead we see what the addiction to attention does to a person's ability to reason.

Comedy, of all things, is one of the loneliest and introspective arts people have devised, but also ultimately at the end of the day you can make people laugh or smile. Victoria's abandonment of this idea and her subsequent revival as some sort of religious crusading right winger is what is almost equally as saddening. Before too long that little lady with a ukulele will just be know as the tragedy of Vicky, the gymnast comedian who, in the end, turned into the wrong kind of clown.
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Notes [25 Sep 2012|10:12pm]
These are some of the things I've been thinking about lately, and here's some of the music that's been playing while I do so...

I'm an adult, it's official. I was standing on my porch, in a neighborhood full of other families; and while my first thought was "Fuck them, this is my street." I also also realized that being an adult gives you too much time to ponder things...like that. Further, more you get nostalgic about things the more amalgamated those memories become with a sort of half-breed version of the person who you aren't yet but need to become. It's almost as if you're brain needs to make unnecessary and irrational conclusions about your past in order for the association centers of your brain to revolt and pendulum in the other direction. With that said though, I remember speaking louder with my eyes than I ever had years ago, some dinosaur toy, and other clips of a life that no longer exists, all through a Rauschenberg colored lens. It's like that old life was some silly movie, where the main character should have been the embodiment of all your masculine dreams but you know if anyone else ever saw it they would probably cast joseph gordon-levitt or some other up and boring. Maybe this is because we can't see ourselves and to keep us from assuming the world exists around us we need this kind of self doubt and humility.

I love my friends, even the ones I pretend like I don't. This is good advice for myself but also something everyone should remember, your friends are your biggest fans and your source for honest and direct challenge. Without them you are at a lost for inspiration and motivation. Unknown just suck your dick or give you reasons to never have left the house.

This next thought works in two parts. Somewhere in my head, my brain keeps telling me they're related, but I'm not sure how to explain it yet. It's just a feeling for now.

For the last two months this thought has dominated the majority of my time though, and it starts with the Higgs Field and the discovery of the Boson Higgs. Without going into infinite detail on the discovery itself, how it works, etc. I will say this, the Higgs Field is what determines the mass of... well, everything. The hows and whys are a little over my head but it stands to reason even the very principle mechanics of what appears to be our cold universe are still conscious on some level.

I've also been thinking about what happens when you slow a song down. Perhaps in relation to the constant repetition, associative pathways in the brain, nostalgia, memory, etc. thinks loose their meaning or punch. Perhaps it's our wish that every time we go back to that well we get as equally high on memories as the first time we heard Fade Into You after a ten year void. But that's not true. Slowing things down on the other hand tends to give us some new context, a greater ability to appreciate something we would normally tire of or that had lost most of it's significance. Case in point...

I can't tell you how fucking happy this song makes me when it sounds like a Black Sabbath / sludge metal cover. I listened to the shit out of this song when I was 15 and wore it to fucking death. Later, in my early 20s I did the exact same thing until the song fizzled out and I all I remembered about it was a time when I enjoyed it. Until some genius slowed that shit down.

It's not like a cover or remix because that skews it too much. Dropping the seep is still somehow different. Although, interestingly enough, there are songs slowed down that I painfully enjoy that I have no previous relation to or even desire to ever listen to. Case in point...

I had never heard September's original version of this nor do I think I'd like it as much. Another odd turn of events when slowing everything down (or as Matt calls it "Mattlocking") is that I pay attention to the lyrics; while previously words only served as another melody delivery system in most songs to me.

And those are my thoughts as of late.
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Myspace Quiz update [17 Jul 2012|12:10pm]
1. In one sentence, explain what ended your last relationship.
Silliness and the inability to let go.

2. What made you smile today?
I made a joke about Blade and Dracula raves... I know...

3. What were you doing this morning at 8a.m.?
I was still sleeping after keeping Carter up till 4AM while he patiently listened to my ranting.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Sending electronic invitations out to our wedding.

5. Something that happened to you in 1985?
I used to play in the woods behind my house, in retrospect it was actually just someone's land but to me it was a mysterious deserted house and other worlds.

6. Your prom night?
I went to prom with Hillary Land.

7. Last thing you said aloud?
Hey guy, how come you're not using this router?

8. Last thing some one said to you?
"Can't wait to see you in Texas, talk to you soon." -Dad

9. Worst thing currently on television?
I'm rubbing my eyes trying to figure out just what is the worst thing on... uniformly I have no idea, but it involves most television.

10. What was in the mail today?
Discount codes from LuLu

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
I only drank some Oddwalla B Monster

12. What is your favorite part of the day?
Hard to say, most often I'm never aware that it's going to be my favorite part of the day; serendipity and such.

13. Your current To-do list?
Rent PA, contact musicians, work emails, the Dukes of September tickets, get rings, it's a long list.

18. Least favorite place to shop?
Candle stores

19. Last thing you bought?
A suit for my wedding. Bo helped me, it was a miracle journey.

20. Last gift you received?
My friend Eric allowed me to borrow his car while I was in Austin; Caleb and Carter both have housed me and us. It's been wonderful and an invaluable gift.

21. Funniest thing you heard all day?
"You're hearing it all man." -Yogi at Yellow Dog Studios

22. what color is ur front door?
Wooden and glass

24. Beautiful is:
the Knights of Cherrywood this evening

25. Describe your keychain:
Eric's Chevy keys and a key to Caleb and Cater's house

26. Where do you keep your change?
We live in the future, I haven't had real paper or metal money in some time.

27. Say something to the number 1 person in your Top 8:
I think this may have to have something to do with how MySpace used to work?

28. Describe your winter coat:
Black modern looking military jacket

29. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
It was december in Austin, mild.

30. Last ice cream flavor?
Cake Batter, I believe it's made from tears shed at fat camp.

31. Last rainbow you saw?
Not entirely sure.

32. Something you are excited about:
I'm about to be married to the person I've sought most my entire life.
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Dream Journal [10 Jul 2012|02:09am]
Your wishes become those for your children and in turn something else begins to grow. In the guiltless multiverse that is your dreams, you own a shop in the city. A boutique that even surprised you in it's rise to success and establishing you amongst the elite. In your store are three punk kids. Two of them are girls and will be overwhelmingly gorgeous in about two years. The third is some punk kid, rich and talking shit about you and your store. They're all dressed for a church or to be members of the senate or simply rich. You put your arm around the boy as a gesture of camaraderie, then proceeding saying something witty you begin to choke him. The choke is somewhere between a darce choke and an arm triangle and as he struggles to speak you notice the girls passively enjoying this because you're older and famous. You tell him you don't fit into his world but right now he's in yours and you don't give a shit if he can't breath or ever will again. Finally you let him go, a girl you remember is there and she takes you by the arm. Grabbing a change of pants out of a ziplock bag from your store you head out into the night. You make your way to a reunion of friends. It's a large refinished warehouse space and they all appear to be celebrating. You kiss you friend several times, passionately. It just feels nice, so you do it again. It's as friendly as a hug so you move on. That's when you see her, and in this world you don't have the same rules, she can be yours. As you approach you're greeted by another friend from the city and he inquires about your plans; quite frankly you tell him it's her and you begin to walk away.
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meat head [20 Jun 2012|10:26am]
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About WillSellari.com [06 Mar 2012|03:45pm]
SUBJECT: About WillSellari.com
FROM: DOMAIN NAME a@recommendednames.com
TO: William william@enginesroar.com

I believe you're the owner of willsellari.com. I've got a proposition
concerning your website. Would you be interested in acquiring
The domain could better serve your webspace and possibly lead to a
positive impact on your web authority.
PS: This is 100% legit. I shall prove the ownership beforehand and
upon agreeing the terms, we can use a third party escrow for a 100%
safe transaction.
PPS: I'm only emailing you because I believe you can benefit from
this. I do not intend to email you again unless you respond to this


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SUBJECT: RE: About WillSellari.com
FROM: William william@enginesroar.com
TO: DOMAIN NAME a@recommendednames.com

Hello Faheem,

I'm not big on squatters but I'll listen to your offer on the domain. Also, this does seem very sketchy. If you're legitimate and your name is Faheem, why is your email address "a@recommendednames.com"? It stands to reason that the same reason Sellari.com is important to me would be the same reason you'd email me from Faheem@whatever-your-last-name-is.com right?
Not having your last name as your domain must mean... Are you secretly some kind of internet superhero who lost the domain name to his last name one fateful dark night in the back alleys of the internet? Only to vow to avenge that slight by helping the weak and down trodden recover their last name domain names? If so, I understand your secret identity through your email address, but I think a real superhero name would be much more fitting. You could be the Domaininator or Dominion Man. Do you have a super power that alerts you to when this kind of thing happens or when a squatter is thinking about stealing someone's last name? You could have a sweet catch phrase when some dude is about to squat on some poor person's last name like "HEY! I DON'T THINK SO!" or something like that.

Your uniform would be all techno-cool but still classic like a cyber punk Shadow Hawk meets Dr. Fate! Your emblem could be like a red "NO!" sign through a some hobo, and it would be understood that the hobo represented a squatter. 
Look seriously, if you need a PR guy, I could be like your "on the inside" side kick. I could like get meetings with Google and encourage them to do bad things in China or India or Northern Africa making squatter mills, and just as they're getting ready to clink highballs with me you could swoop in and be like "HEY! I DON'T THINK SO!"! We could be a really good team Faheem.
Okay, I'm sorry. I got a little side tracked. But yes, I'd love to know how much it would cost for me to re-aqurie the domain for my last name. A last name, which I might add, I have shared and inherited from my father and many generations before him through blood and family.

Thanks and continue serving peace and justice (your secret is safe with me!)

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A clear shoreline [28 Feb 2012|05:10pm]
I'm glad that Livejournal is a little hidden place, like an address at the beach no one visits that you send postcards full of confessions and secrets. There was a point where I imagine I wrote here for people, but that day is long gone. The internet is bigger and more socially complicated now, which makes this a perfect destination again. 

Here's what happened when I looked to my friend's page...

Now, is this a sign it's time to pack up and leave? I doubt it. I think it means I can be a little less inhibited.

Which leads me to my next point. Abandoned accounts are so lovely. They're little time machines of people I miss more than I could even begin to explain on here. 1994 I know where you've gone, you're the old 2002 of my internet heart.

That's all for now,
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[24 Feb 2012|07:24pm]
My days are glazed with eczema and wasted potential.
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Deadman's Spoon [08 Nov 2011|02:06pm]

So, this happened the other day. However, I think about it every time I need a spoon at work.

Will: Where's the silverware?

Dad: In that drawer.

Dad: You know... the guy who used to own that is... dead.

Will pauses before picking up a spoon.

Will: Did he... did he die while using this?

Motions to the silverware

Dad: Oh... no. He died in a horsing accident.
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